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A Poem For Mariah Carey's 'The Distance,' Featuring Ty Dolla $ign

Mariah Carey's <em>Caution</em> comes out Nov. 16.
Mariah Carey's <em>Caution</em> comes out Nov. 16.

With apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning. This poem does not scan.

Mariah Carey, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and sultry beats of "GTFO"
Your Caymus bottle makes me intoxicated so
I love thee in the slow-burning storm of "With You"
Most quiet ballad, ascribing Bone Thugs, too
Now I love "The Distance," a sweaty bop that sets my heart ablaze
As my queen raps with Ty Dolla $ign in hater's-gonna-hate phrase
In your old griefs, and with my stanning faith awash in
There awaits a stunning classic in Caution.

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