Joshua Dillabaugh sat in a practice studio in Eugene, fingerpicking his guitar to the tapping of a metronome.
He was there at a recording session for an upcoming album. His music instructor and mentor, John Raden, cheered him on.
"One take!" exclaimed Dillabaugh.
"Nice! Nice! That's definitely usable," said Raden. "I was sweating. I was starting to sweat there at the end."
Dillabaugh, a 21 year-old singer-songwriter, has been performing for nearly a decade. Today, he posts his covers and original songs online, and plays locally as part of a musical duo called Dad’s Side Project.
But as a trans man, he said it took time to find his confidence in his art. First, he said, he had to rediscover his voice.
'Safety in chaos'
From a young age, Dillabaugh said he was instilled with a love for loud music.
"My dad, growing up, he was the most punk-est guy you could ever meet," said Dillabaugh. "I remember having fond memories of him as a kid, just staying up all hours, and screaming into his microphone, with his guitar amp turned up to 1000."
When he was 13, Dillabaugh convinced his mother to let him go to Music ‘s Edge Rock Camp, a summer program hosted at WOW Hall in Eugene.
In one week, students form bands, learn songs, and perform in front of a live audience. Raden, one of the instructors there, said they help turn the campers into little rock stars.
“Kids that come in who are just looking at their shoes, and they don't know anybody, and by the end of the week, they've got the stance, and they've got the guitar," said Raden. "They might not be the best players, but they’re having a blast.”
Dillabaugh said he made meaningful friendships at the camp, while the instructors saw the potential in him, and helped nurture his interests in songwriting and performance. He'd continue to attend each summer for several years.
“The rock community to me is about safety in chaos," Dillabaugh told KLCC in a 2022 interview at the camp. "I feel like you get out of your comfort zone with people that you may not know in places that are strange.”
Imposter syndrome
Around the same time he went to rock camp, Dillabaugh also started socially transitioning—meaning he came out as trans to people in his life.
“13, with the big one three number, that's when I was like, 'this is what I want," said Dillabaugh. "'This is who I am.”
When he was 16, he began hormone replacement therapy and went on testosterone. This caused his voice to drop.
For many trans people, this can be an affirming experience. But for Dillabaugh, it also came with a frightening consequence: he said he began losing some of his vocal range and his singing prowess.
“I could belt like there was no tomorrow at the rock camps, or even at home with my such high register that I had before," said Dillabaugh. "I was just really convinced I couldn't sing anymore.”
He said this change brought on a sense of imposter syndrome.
“This is something I've been waiting for my entire life—going on T, getting top surgery, all that type of thing," he said. "But I lost my ability to sing. And so was this all really worth it? Was it really just a phase?"
'The Sound'
At 20, Dillabaugh sat in the passenger seat of Raden’s car. He said he didn’t have a job, was fresh out of a relationship, and didn’t feel any sense of direction in life.
He told his music instructor he was contemplating suicide. But Dillabaugh said how Raden responded helped turn things around.
“He threw his arm around me, and he was like, you go upstairs and write a f—— song," said Dillabaugh.
The resulting piece was “The Sound,” a title now tattooed on Dillabaugh’s arm.
"When you're down, look around," Dillabaugh sings in the recording, "at the sound of life waiting for you."
For Dillabaugh, this moment was a creative breakthrough. Afterwards, he said he began writing rapidly, sometimes as much as a song a week.
He posted them on his private social media, giving his loved ones a peek at what he was working on. And in the process, he even said he started to find a register to sing in.
Dillabaugh said he still doesn’t have the same confidence he did as a child. But on his 21st birthday this year, he performed his first show solo.
“Being able to be surrounded by my friends and family who have supported me making all this music has really re-broken me out of that shell," he said.
During an interview with KLCC, Raden told Dillabaugh the singer-songwriter would likely be playing music for the rest of his life.
"Whether it's the way you make money, or whatever your life turns into," said Raden. "Because it's in you, and it's like a disease. You can't get rid of the music bug."
The duets
Dillabaugh said he's continuing to work on his first album, and plans to go on tour for the first time in 2026.
Many of the pieces he's recorded touch upon his trans identity, while some tackle the transition process more directly.
One day, Dillabaugh went looking for inspiration in his old Youtube recordings.
“I just found video after video after video of me basically recording my voice transition through music," he said.
Dillabaugh decided to turn those pieces into duets, layering his lower voice on top of his old
On "5 Years / This is Home," which transitions into a cover of a Cavetown song halfway through, Dillabaugh harmonizes with younger his voice, sings call and response, and plays audio snippets of himself marking his voice transition milestones.
Today, Dillabaugh said he's content with his transition and his identity, and confident in sharing his journey.
“I'm really proud of that kid, you know, who was alone in his room making covers," said Dillabaugh, "as that kid would be proud of where I am today.”
